Monday, May 23, 2005

Foreign Land

Today I witnessed something truly amazing.. the bosses wife (Known from here on out as Evil Hag) ventured into unknown territory today. In the 4 years of slavery I have given to this company, I have never, not once, see the evil hag enter this vast place. Usually she just controls the activity from atop her evil office without any understanding or outlook as too what despair and destruction she is causing. Almost as amazing as her Lewis & Clark like expedition was the fact that she was still here at almost 4pm. And it's Monday...

So I just smacked myself to make sure this is all real. I guess so. The Evil Hag has finally entered the Warehouse of our office. This foreign land to her extends about 3/4 of the whole entire 17,000 sq. ft. building, which as you can imagine is pretty hard to avoid.. especially for 4 years. We must be approaching the end of days.

I sit here, drinking my Wendy's © Chili from the container because we don't have any spoons and the fork I was trying to use wasn't working out. Topping off the perfection of this Monday morning to align itself with all stereotypical Monday mornings was the fact that not only did I forget my golf clubs in my buddy's car this weekend, but after I had made arrangements to pick them up at lunch I was reminded that I agreed to go on a sales call with King Evil Hag himself. SUCK!

So there I was trying to hold back my anger and pray that I would be done with the meeting in time to still meet up with my golf clubs... when he said... well we need to get going it's gonna be about a 45 minute trip. SHIT!! 45 minutes there.. 45 minutes back and who knows how long with his always running late, cocky, lengthy, Tony Hawk looking ass! Sonofabi... I bit my tongue as he came back saying "Oh yeah.. this will be a good time for us to discuss getting some new people and your ideas for the future." UGH!!! As you all know.. I don't want to help with the future here and I will make sure that anyone who knows me never works for this hell hole EVER! So the car drive sucked.. as I had to listen to him discuss how upset he is that his dirty ass dog is not doing so hot.. (At least the dog won't be getting into my F-ing trash anymore, and shitting in the corners of the offices)... then he went on about... his two twins (Stuck up and super loser) going off to college and how he will miss them. I'm thinking "How can you possibly miss your kids.. I mean seriously... you work out at the gym in the morning from like 6 or 7 am until 10am.. then you come to work.. you don't go home until 7pm and your kids have school and sports / dance after that anyways.. I mean what? Are you going to miss the 1 hour maybe while they are doing their homework that you might possibly see them? NAH! Because when you aren't here you are at home working on your laptop wirelessly looking at porn because that's all you can get!"

Wow... it's definitely been a while since I vented... wheeewww at least I blew off some steam.. Anyways.. so today has been almost exactly what I have come to expect from coming back from the weekend. They never cease to amaze me!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Shitter's Full!

So the plumbing at the office was backed up today. As I came into work today obviously late as usual, I was able to sneak in undetected by using the backdoor. My boss was out in the front looking into the sewer with the plumbers as I snuck in. It was a covert op and I completed my mission without fail. I was able to not only sneak into my office but make good with the boss by joining him out front. That however, ended shortly when the stench of old feces and sewage took over. Disgusting.. seriously! I mean there was about 3 feet of sewage clogged in there... they had this machine that was an industrial snake and they broke through the blockage. I have half a mind to think it was some trucker that used our bathroom and dumped his stash in the toliet. All I know is that I went to take a nasty dump yesterday and after I finished I flushed.. It almost shot back up at me.. that's when I told the boss he needed to call a plumber. He told me to make sure it wasn't happening to anyone else in the area... so I got into my car and drove around to ask.. Wow how stupid does a guy driving around and industrial complex sound when he pulls up to two guys smoking outside and asks... "Hey are you having any problems with your bathrooms...?" Anyways.. enough said. I'm going golfing it's a beautiful day. Get outta there...

Thursday, May 19, 2005


So I can't seem to update this on a daily basis.. I guess I am just not completely motivated. Anyways, I was going to dive into my thoughts on the reason for the Big 3 doing so bad but I have decided to just leave it alone. It's not like too many people really care. I will say this though... Stop marketing to your own employees, if you are one of the Big 3 market towards the people that aren't getting the AZD or XQY plans because those are the people that really matter. I mean seriously.. WHO CARES what current employees get as a discount because you aren't attracting new customers. As a large corporation you would think they would be smarter than to market towards the people that are already most likely to purchase a car from the company they WORK for. Why wouldn't someone purchase a car from their company since they get a fat discount? How stupid does a company have to be to tell the desired potential market..(ie. Person at home without discount plan from being and employee but looking to purchase a car).. what the reaslistic price will be on the car that they might find attractive in a commercial? Seems slightly retarded to me but hey I am just a computer nerd.

Moving on.. I was late to work today. Why you may ask? Well I do not really have a reason for you. I did however have a reason for my boss when he called and asked where the hell I was at 10am. I told him that my dog got outside and ran away and I had to find her. There is nothing wrong with a little white lie right? I mean I could have possibly dreamnt that while I was sleeping in... or not but whatever.. the point is I got to sleep in. What was he going to do? Fire me? Please that would probably be doing me a favor but in his current position, he really wouldn't do it. How do I know that? Because I am privy to information that other people are not and I knew that our best salesman was quitting today. This isn't the only reason but I'll start with it for now...

Anyways, knowing that he was quitting I wasn't really concerned with being punctual this morning. This salesman really was a driving force, not to mention our only remaining salesman. His leaving signifies all that is completely wrong with this company since he was owed some past compensation for jobs that he sold. He was entiled to commissions as stated in his original agreement but when he sold way more than expected the company did not honor and encourage him, no, instead they decided to fight paying him. Making up excuses like he had to pay for internal operating expenses, my time, our customer service time, paperwork processing fees and shit. I mean come on! Seriously just pay the guy his commissions and tell him he's doing a great job. Encourage him to continue and do more because the bottom line is that he is bringing in money to the company. Anyways, he's gone and I say "GOOD FOR HIM!"

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


So yeah... it's been a while since I commented on here. A lot with me has changed... unfortunately a lot with my stupid excuse for a job has not. Let's recap on the last 2 months in a brief format.

March.. SUCKED stupid work, lame boss, and basically waking up each day of the week feeling like I should find a way to get out of faking like I actually do work at my job. It's not that I don't have work to do, more that I don't want to do the stupid tasks that I am assigned because I know that the bottom line results are not going to be produced because we can't manage to keep employees happy so why would we be able to keep customers happy.

April.. Well this month was a little better because the BOSS and his wife went on vacation. This meant for one week an one week only we were able to screw off. So we went golfing during the day.. took long lunches... and more importantly focused on the task at hand.. JOB HUNTING. Too bad the economy in my area sucks. I supposed it is due to the fact that it is driven by the big 3 (Auto Makers, if you somehow are not from this planet and don't know who the "BIG 3" are). Since they seem to be suffering, this is impacting the job market and small companies in the area therefore limiting the whole area to just SUCKING. I will get back as to why the "Big 3" are doing so bad tomorrow.

May.. I gave in.. I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't resist it's milky white color.. the way it moves when you touch it and the way only I seem to be able to fill it up and satisfy it. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.. I am talking about purchasing an IPOD. I picked up one of those slick 60GB IPOD Photos.. mainly because I have a large collection of music and wanted to carry it around with.. but probably closer to the reason... is that I can't resist other people having cooler technology than me. Like my friends who just moved and bought a 57" HDTV... I guess that means I'll have to throw my 46" into my bedroom and upgrade to a 62" or something.. NO WAIT better yet.. A PROJECTOR.. 120" Screen with full like IMAX capability...

Sigh... nevermind, I can't do that.. not only do I have to save for a wedding but after just having purchased a house I have come to the harsh realization that there really are other things rather than electronics that can mildly satisfy my purchasing addiction... SUCH AS!!!! A NEW PATIO or LANDSCAPING.. HOORAY!!!! I mean I never for the life of me thought for one moment that I would be getting excited about Washer and Dryers.. or Refrigerators for that matter but it's understandable.. they are technology and nowadays they are pretty cool.. BUT LANDSCAPING? Please! Who would have thought? I am humbled...