Friday, December 02, 2005

New Job

Okay, so it finally happened. I got out of that shithole and got a "real" new job. It's great but I am super busy so I must reevaluate my format of my blog and decide how to keep posting to it. More to come in a week or so. Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Task at Hand

So I have decided there is one task that is a test of a man's mental fortitude and ability to problem solve. It one of those things that you get asked to do at the most aggervating times and can cause serious frustration, angry and disbelief. It could be related to eating a bowl of pasta and finding a bay leaf in that next bite, or better yet, finding out that you accidentally picked blue shoes with your black suit in the middle of a presentation. It often occurs when with a female, be it a friend, girlfriend or in my case fiance.

What is this task you may ask? "Could you please reach in my PURSE and grab ...?"

Yep! That's where men and women differ. I have come to find that while men yes typically have at least one room in which they leave a complete pig-stye, they at least can find whatever it is they are looking for in that area. (Most times) And as it is usually a bigger area with more visual representation of the object of desire, things are naturally easier to find.

I have been asked more this week than usual that exact question followed by the following objects. Gum, Wallet, Keys, Phone, Pen, Chapstick... so on and so forth, only to find each time that it is getting increasingly more difficult to navigate the nooks and crannies of the dreaded PURSE.

As you may know purses come in all shapes and sizes, colors and styles. These are considered "accessorizing" by the female species and can change depending on the attire or event that one is attending. This one in particular has about 10 compartments all held in a small 12"x5"x12" package. That gives us an enormous roughly 720 cubic inches of space to hold whatever the woman's heart longs to take with her.

When you are looking for a larger object in this type of purse, that usually doesn't present too much of a problem. However, if that object is a cellphone that is currently ringing and you aren't quick enough, look out! She'll get upset and say something to the effect of, "Give it too me! I'll get it out!" or "It's right there on the top." Now while yes it might be right there on the top, the problem a guy has is figuring out "the top" of which compartment sealed off by a zipper or better yet some high tech seal for appearance glamour. Now, while a cellphone isn't a huge issue, getting something like chapstick or gum... shit! That just flat out sucks! It could literally take up to 5 minutes and two passes to locate such an object. Especially with the different shapes and sizes that these come in now-a-days.

Besides that, once you get to the bottom of the purse it's like walking along the bottom of a murky pond in which you can't see the bottom. There are things down there brushing your hand, mushing between your searching fingers that you can't describe and dare not look to see what they are. Mixed among this confusion of the senses is her growing comments on location, and urging you to speed it up.

I state this blog to warn all men to beware of the PURSE and it's contents. To ease this struggle, do yourself a favor, pre-scope it out! Before a date, before the drive, before she even knows you have seen it, just do it! If it is at all possible, familiarize yourself with it, make friends, look in it. Do NOT GET CAUGHT! Again, DO NOT GET CAUGHT! This is like a dairy to some females and will surely get you throw out of the "I am gonna get some!" circle. But who knows, if you can devise a covert op to get in there and get an idea of placement, not only could you be a hero when she needs you but you could also find out specifics for certain small gifts, or even possibly things that are important to know before you make any further commitment to her.

Beware of the PURSE! If planned for properly with careful poise and grace, it can be a very valuable friend. However, if not this can be your worst nightmare and definite cock-block!

Monday, October 03, 2005


Hello america! Wise UP!

Gas prices are ridiculous, I should get a raise based upon these prices rather than inflation. Could you imagine if your salary was in direct correlation with Gas Prices, you'd be rich in a year. Here is the trend:

Natural / Man Made disaster = Gas price SPIKE (meaning: plus $1.50)

Then since we all bitch and moan about it but continue driving and paying for it, they drop the price .50 to make it seem like we are saving money. It's very convienent how this works. Let me put it to you like this:

Here I have a tasty Quarter Pounder with Cheese (BTW in case you didn't know in this hypothetical situation, you love the QP w/ Cheese and need it like you need your daily fix) Anyways, moving on... This QP w/ Cheese costs $1.49 but now there is an article that cows in Africa have Mad Cow disease... (I get my meat from Canada)... I raise the price of my QP w / Cheese to $3.65... You get pissed but know that I supply the only tasty QP w/ Cheese and you need it so you pay!

Then I decide that I can assist you and make you happier because naturally you are super pissed at the increase of over 50%, so I drop my price down to $2.65 and you are so excited that you purchase two and take one home to save for tomorrow because you are worried that I will up my price again as soon I find out that a tornado is scheduled to blow through Kansas.

See the point to my story is that we as consumers of gasoline gripe about the rising prices and let the high powers state that it is because of some natural disaster or war, when in fact it doesn't have that much to do with any of those things. I mean here we are SUPER NATION, and when other things go wrong we find another place to get them from. No one can tell me that the only places to get oil and have oil refineries are the locations that these storms or wars are. Granted this may have an intial short term effect for us to divert our resources but we should be able to rebound instead of raising costs 50% or more and then lowering them 5% to make it seem like they are doing a favor. Fuck them, I don't feel any relief!

But hey what can I do, I can't even get out of a job I hate, how could I lobby a protest on the energy resource commisions of the nation? I still buy gas because it's not like I can not drive... it's a catch 22 and they know they have us all wrapped up. I often wondered when I drive through some areas, where does all that money come from to build an 8000 sq. ft. house, or drive that Ferrari? Now I know, someone bought into gas, probably someone that we also allow to not pay taxes for 10 years so that they can get started in our great nation, then what do they do, oh they just move the company to the next relative that gets on a ship over! FUCK THAT! WHERE is my TAX BREAK! GRRRR SO ANGRY!


So not only is today Monday, which sucks in the first place. I mean it wouldn't be all that bad if I didn't have to go to work. I hate my job just in case it wasn't clear already. It's not that my job is really that bad or difficult, I mean sometimes I am just bored. I guess being bored wouldn't be that bad either if I could maybe shop or something online, but seeing as I don't really have disposable income at the moment I can't do that. So I did a search in Google for the End of the Internet. That my friend is the definition of boredom. I don't really know what is more sad, the fact that I clicked on most of the links or the fact that I had seen some of them before.

So since my position within the company evolves over time, like a womans wrinkles develop and ass seems to grow without limit, I have found myself responsible for some of the shittier responsibilities that I used to just hear about. For instance, I now deal with consultants (definition: A completely clueless individual, who rides the intelligent coattails of engineers for firms to make themselves look good in front of customers. Also: Clueless, Lazy, Retarded, Demanding, Devilish) on a daily basis. This is not because I want to but more since we do not have a staff of employees anymore and no one takes responsibility for any jobs they seem to have my phone number now. They always call and demand things stating that nothing is their responsibility and that the "Contract" states this or that.. blah blah fucking blah. I want to disconnect my phone but that doesn't even work because then I get the page over the intercom. UGH! The worst part is that some of these jobs are over a year old and the consultant has dealt with 2 or 3 people who no longer work here. As you can imagine this creates an even better mood for them because now they are pissed that they have to repeat themselves and get me up to speed on the situation. I am of the opinion that consultants are the bottom-feeders of the technical world, feeding on other peoples lack of understand and fear of technology, by supplying a false sense of intelligence. They then use their contacts (ie. Me, or other engineers) to give them the answers for them to supply to the customer. They are a middleman supplying absolutely no COST BENEFIT. The only thing they do is screw up by supplying false information or a bad design to the customer who then doesn't understand why something won't work, the consultant then blames everything on the vendor. They are a congestion point and I do not understand why they are needed or even exist! WISE UP PEOPLE, can't you see the scam?

DAMN IT, I feel like I must explain everything to the world. ;)

Thursday, September 29, 2005

I have seen it all!

Okay I can't take it... I know this is probably not good material for my blog but I couldn't resist sharing it! (Please be aware that this material is not appropriate for work or for any public situation where people will be viewing over your shoulder. Don't say I didn't warn you!)

Seriously!!! $695.00
The best form of hurricane relief yet.
Check out the instructions for use... I mean like seriously, I didn't understand how!?
If it works for Netflix it works for us!
Choose your toy!

Now I wasn't particularly in a porn mood today or anything but I was waiting for a fax and checked out one of those blog sites.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Doggie new name = Satan

I went to the vet today because my super smart dog decided to jump out of the second story window on Saturday morning around 1am. This all started on Friday so I'll start there.

Once upon a time on a beautiful fall afternoon, my fiance was arriving home from work just before me. This is a rare occurance, and I was delighted to be on my merry way home. When she walked in the door she noticed a pungent smell. It was an obvious smell and one that is enough to make anyone gag. Ahhh.. yes the wonderful smell of DOG SHIT. So our special (read: special ed) doggie had taken a dump in her crate (read: cage). She was apparently upset and huddled in the back corner of the crate, almost like a child cries when they are sitting in diapers filled with their own feces. I arrived shortly after her noticing and getting over her initial aggervation. Just in case you didn't know that a good thing or it would be something to the effect of "it's your stupid dog! clean it yourself!". However she helped me clean it up and once again we were all happy.

Moving forward an hour, we decided to go out for a nice dinner together, which is another rare occurance. We crated the dog back up and made way for some delicous grub at the local pub. While eating, a strange man lacking his lower front teeth decided to abruptly end conversation with his wife (read: super hillbillies). He said something to my fiance like "so how are you beef tips?". I was sort of shocked and had to hold back my increasing desire to say some rash comment like, "you'll never know!" or better yet "shut your stupid pie-hole you no teeth, lisping, smelly hick!". However, I just looked over at her like "Yeah honey! How are those tasty beef tips?". BAD PLAN!

This ended up starting an hour long conversation regarding his war verteran history. Now if I hadn't been doing the dinner thing just to make sure I had some "quality time" (read: ass kissing), then I might have enjoyed these stories. BUT, my current situation was one of delicacy, for I didn't want to rush things but I did want to get done and be on my way to hang with the guys. This guy was ruining all of my plans. He wouldn't shut up! Anyways an hour later we were on our way home and I was speeding to get there and drop her off, tuck her in, and get on with my plans.

We arrived home only to find that same lingering smell. Thinking that this was just some left over reminence I proceeded without hesitation. This only made things worse when I realized my worst fears had begun. Not only was I running behind to be out with the guys, but the dog had once again shit (COWPILE) and pissed in her crate! DAMN IT! Veins were exposed from my flesh and I burned with the desire to knock whatever sense I could find out of her. I WAS PISSED. She was covered in her own feces and now I had to once again clean up and bathe her which would take some time. Getting over it I proceeded to get it all done and took her out for a quick walk to make sure she had it all out of her system before I left. It's a good thing too because she had some explosive stuff left.

I figured out it must have been that canned food I fed her the night before. I don't know what they put in there but if you wanna clean the pipes.. eat that!

Okay moving forward from about 9:30pm to about 1am. Guys drunk, Check! Sharp objects being thrown, CHECK! (read: darts) I receive a phone call from the woman and think nothing of it until she asks to talk to my friend. So I hand the phone off and throw another dart. My friend hands the phone back... disconnected. I'm like WTF? He said "short conversation I don't know she was going to bed".

Insert additional beers ..... here.

Next morning... nope afternoon ;-) Woke up and had some Dunkin Donuts Breakfast Sandwiches, breakfast of champions, YEA! Decided to get off my lazy ass and make way for home to pick up dog to bring her back to watch more football and eat greasy chili! MMMM... Chili! When I get home I notice the dog is not her usual perky self. I had noticed a bowl of dog food full in the garage but hadn't thought much of it. My fiance works on Saturdays early so she was gone. Especially considering it was about 1:30pm... oops my bad.

I let the dog out of the crate and see that she is limping. First thought, PANIC, second thought, CONFUSION, third thought, delusional clarity. See by the third thought I had figured to go looking for a pile of dog shit or a spot on the carpet, thinking immediately that she had had an accident in the house and my fiance couldn't take it and beat the living shit out her. I guess that is why I called it delusional clarity.

Finally it all made sense... I forgot to tell you that she wreaked.. I couldn't place it at first but then pieces fell together. I ran upstairs and noticed the screen to our bedroom window was bent to hell. It turns out that she jumped at 1am out the second story window and landed on the brick paver patio. Then took off and got sprayed by a skunk and didn't return until about 5:30am.

So that explains why my fiance calls the dog Satan!

Job Burnout

This article completely describes my situation at work. Read This!

Monday, September 19, 2005

I had to post this because it made me laugh!

Sage - My So-Called Strife

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


So last week I had an interview scheduled for 2:30pm. I was extremely excited about the idea of actually having made it past the e-mail /phone crap that seems to happen now before interviews. Basically it seems that the web, while good in theory, has degraded the ability of a job seeker to get into a one-on-one interview without jumping through a barrage of hoops. Needless to say, I finally made it and was the 4th and last interviewer for the day. I was dressed to a T in a black suit and tie and looked highly professional. I showed up about 10 minutes early for the interview and sat in the waiting area talking to the secretary. It was nice because it allowed me to loosen up and get rid of the overwhelming nerves that were trying to take me over. When the interview started I was in the HR directors office with her and a techie guy. The techie guy spent the first 25 minutes or so letting me know what the company does and things were going well. I had a full understanding and we moved right into my resume.

My resume is pretty decent with about 8 years of solid professional experience, however I do not have a degree which always comes up and seems to knock off about 4 years of my experience. I haven't understood why a degree matters, mainly because I have been in the working world for so long and haven't applied any of the general shit that they teach you in school. But I guess that topic is whole other can of worms, basically my new thought on it is that a company likes to see a degree so that they know you have got your party days out of your system.

The HR lady wasn't very involved in the interview and was doing e-mail, phone calls and such which I thought was rude but at the same time accepted because she had said she was leaving for vacation and didn't understand the techie stuff anyways. The tech guy was pretty cool and we talked about many different topics and skills all of which I was able to speak educated about. After about 1 hour the HR lady excused herself and asked the tech guy to call her after the interview to discuss his thoughts. She stated that she was going to leave and get started on her vacation. Seemed somewhat unprofessional, I mean if you are going to schedule an interview for 2:30pm on the day before you go on vacation, don't leave before it's over.

After she left the tech guy and I kept talking and everything seemed to be going great. He was throwing around comments like, you'd fit right in with the other guys, and when you start you'll get a computer. He would always try to correct himself with the "if we accept you" or "if you are picked". Again I thought these were all good signs and after 1.5 hours, the interview was over and I left feeling pretty confident.

I received an e-mail on Friday stating that someone else from another agency was picked for the position. I was crushed since I had let the excitement and possibility of escaping my current hell-hole get the best of me. I proceeded to continue my search for a new opportunity to hopefully get me out of this place. In retrospect it was probably for the better as the position was a contract position and was farther away.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Sweaty Breastits

Evian Water Bra

Classic! I can't say anything else.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I've got to say it's been a good day!

I recieved a phone call on Friday at about 5:30pm which I didn't get until Sunday morning. Mainly because I worked until about 7:30pm on Friday and then relaxed when I got home. Saturday I had a Pre-Marital Seminar for which I had turned my phone off. Anyways, I checked my 6 voicemails Sunday morning and found most of them to be completely point-less except for one. It was for a Video Processing Engineer position with a company locally. Started out good and the guy said he would send me an e-mail Monday morning with details and such. At this point I was pretty pumped about it though.

Monday rolled around like any other Monday does. I woke up with that dreadful feeling of going to the office and realizing that the owners were back from vacation. That meant they would be all gun-hoe about getting things done. And of course to top it off there were computer problems at the office, again which related back to them being home. I can almost put money on the fact that the virus that ran through our system and then was successfully cleaned was from the boss. Probably some "" file he downloaded and opened. Anyways, it started off pretty poorly as I had imagined it would. We also had hired a new employee which somehow became my responsibility to make sure that they understood how to do their job. UGH! Anyways, I waited and waited.. constantly trying to occupy myself on some though other than the "JOB" that I was waiting to hear about. By noon I decided to be pro-active and call the guy to remind him.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number.. patiently breathing and listening to the ring. Finally a woman picked up and stated the usual company name and her name, "How may I help you?". I explained who I was and who I was looking for and she asked me again my name. After she transfered me the guy on the other end of the phone was friendly but disappointed. He explained to me that the position had been filled. I thanked him for thinking of me and hung up the phone slouching back into my seat. I was pretty bummed out. I mean after about 20 or so resume submittals, I was excited to actually hear from someone, even if I hadn't submitted to them.

So 2:30pm rolls around and I get a voicemail on my phone. Turns out the guy mistaked me for another guy with my name (Imagine that..) nah, I'm kidding but it was a pretty close name so I'll forgive him. Anyways, he stated that the position he thought I would be perfect for was still open and that he would love to submit me to them. I polished up my stuff and sent it over today.
(I sat back yesterday and thought wow.. a call for a possible job at 5:30pm on Friday and it's full at 12PM on Monday... didn't make much sense.) Now I know why.. because it wasn't filled.

Anyways, so today I have recieved another call from a company that performs Nerual Monitoring Services while patients are in surgery. They do it all remotely and need someone like me to manage. However, they were not planning on budgeting properly for the position so after a discussion they are checking to see whether or not they can afford me. We did discuss scheduling an interview though which is good. I like the idea of the position but I cannot afford to take the cut that it would require to get to where they were talking.

There was another position that is a possibility but it is a sales position and would require me to once again take a pay cut to work off of commissions and I am not sure how comfortable I feel with this. But as a good friend of mine said, "You have to break some eggs in order to make mayonaise!"

So I'll keep it in mind. Hopefully, one of these pans out and makes life a little more tolerable. Although, three possibilities in one week is great and I'm not complaining.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


So I spent part of my day yesterday complaining with co-workers about our work enviroment and jobs. I spent the rest of the day upset and looking for a new job online. I have grown tired of feeling so depressed and upset with my career and my lack-luster job and need to reassure myself that I am actually capable of doing great things. I used to feel like I was able to do anything, that as long as I put my mind to it, it would be done. I was confident, bold, and not to toot my own horn but smart. Or at least I felt like I was, but that has all changed.

I read an article today that basically summed it all up. As I was reading it I continued to repeat "YES!" and "YEP that's how I feel" in my head. I hope that for the sake of my health, personal growth, and continued happiness, that I find a new and exciting job.....and soon!