Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Task at Hand

So I have decided there is one task that is a test of a man's mental fortitude and ability to problem solve. It one of those things that you get asked to do at the most aggervating times and can cause serious frustration, angry and disbelief. It could be related to eating a bowl of pasta and finding a bay leaf in that next bite, or better yet, finding out that you accidentally picked blue shoes with your black suit in the middle of a presentation. It often occurs when with a female, be it a friend, girlfriend or in my case fiance.

What is this task you may ask? "Could you please reach in my PURSE and grab ...?"

Yep! That's where men and women differ. I have come to find that while men yes typically have at least one room in which they leave a complete pig-stye, they at least can find whatever it is they are looking for in that area. (Most times) And as it is usually a bigger area with more visual representation of the object of desire, things are naturally easier to find.

I have been asked more this week than usual that exact question followed by the following objects. Gum, Wallet, Keys, Phone, Pen, Chapstick... so on and so forth, only to find each time that it is getting increasingly more difficult to navigate the nooks and crannies of the dreaded PURSE.

As you may know purses come in all shapes and sizes, colors and styles. These are considered "accessorizing" by the female species and can change depending on the attire or event that one is attending. This one in particular has about 10 compartments all held in a small 12"x5"x12" package. That gives us an enormous roughly 720 cubic inches of space to hold whatever the woman's heart longs to take with her.

When you are looking for a larger object in this type of purse, that usually doesn't present too much of a problem. However, if that object is a cellphone that is currently ringing and you aren't quick enough, look out! She'll get upset and say something to the effect of, "Give it too me! I'll get it out!" or "It's right there on the top." Now while yes it might be right there on the top, the problem a guy has is figuring out "the top" of which compartment sealed off by a zipper or better yet some high tech seal for appearance glamour. Now, while a cellphone isn't a huge issue, getting something like chapstick or gum... shit! That just flat out sucks! It could literally take up to 5 minutes and two passes to locate such an object. Especially with the different shapes and sizes that these come in now-a-days.

Besides that, once you get to the bottom of the purse it's like walking along the bottom of a murky pond in which you can't see the bottom. There are things down there brushing your hand, mushing between your searching fingers that you can't describe and dare not look to see what they are. Mixed among this confusion of the senses is her growing comments on location, and urging you to speed it up.

I state this blog to warn all men to beware of the PURSE and it's contents. To ease this struggle, do yourself a favor, pre-scope it out! Before a date, before the drive, before she even knows you have seen it, just do it! If it is at all possible, familiarize yourself with it, make friends, look in it. Do NOT GET CAUGHT! Again, DO NOT GET CAUGHT! This is like a dairy to some females and will surely get you throw out of the "I am gonna get some!" circle. But who knows, if you can devise a covert op to get in there and get an idea of placement, not only could you be a hero when she needs you but you could also find out specifics for certain small gifts, or even possibly things that are important to know before you make any further commitment to her.

Beware of the PURSE! If planned for properly with careful poise and grace, it can be a very valuable friend. However, if not this can be your worst nightmare and definite cock-block!


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