I have seen it all!

Okay I can't take it... I know this is probably not good material for my blog but I couldn't resist sharing it! (Please be aware that this material is not appropriate for work or for any public situation where people will be viewing over your shoulder. Don't say I didn't warn you!)

Seriously!!! $695.00
The best form of hurricane relief yet.
Check out the instructions for use... I mean like seriously, I didn't understand how!?
If it works for Netflix it works for us!
Choose your toy!

Now I wasn't particularly in a porn mood today or anything but I was waiting for a fax and checked out one of those blog sites.

Doggie new name = Satan

I went to the vet today because my super smart dog decided to jump out of the second story window on Saturday morning around 1am. This all started on Friday so I'll start there.

Once upon a time on a beautiful fall afternoon, my fiance was arriving home from work just before me. This is a rare occurance, and I was delighted to be on my merry way home. When she walked in the door she noticed a pungent smell. It was an obvious smell and one that is enough to make anyone gag. Ahhh.. yes the wonderful smell of DOG SHIT. So our special (read: special ed) doggie had taken a dump in her crate (read: cage). She was apparently upset and huddled in the back corner of the crate, almost like a child cries when they are sitting in diapers filled with their own feces. I arrived shortly after her noticing and getting over her initial aggervation. Just in case you didn't know that a good thing or it would be something to the effect of "it's your stupid dog! clean it yourself!". However she helped me clean it up and once again we were all happy.

Moving forward an hour, we decided to go out for a nice dinner together, which is another rare occurance. We crated the dog back up and made way for some delicous grub at the local pub. While eating, a strange man lacking his lower front teeth decided to abruptly end conversation with his wife (read: super hillbillies). He said something to my fiance like "so how are you beef tips?". I was sort of shocked and had to hold back my increasing desire to say some rash comment like, "you'll never know!" or better yet "shut your stupid pie-hole you no teeth, lisping, smelly hick!". However, I just looked over at her like "Yeah honey! How are those tasty beef tips?". BAD PLAN!

This ended up starting an hour long conversation regarding his war verteran history. Now if I hadn't been doing the dinner thing just to make sure I had some "quality time" (read: ass kissing), then I might have enjoyed these stories. BUT, my current situation was one of delicacy, for I didn't want to rush things but I did want to get done and be on my way to hang with the guys. This guy was ruining all of my plans. He wouldn't shut up! Anyways an hour later we were on our way home and I was speeding to get there and drop her off, tuck her in, and get on with my plans.

We arrived home only to find that same lingering smell. Thinking that this was just some left over reminence I proceeded without hesitation. This only made things worse when I realized my worst fears had begun. Not only was I running behind to be out with the guys, but the dog had once again shit (COWPILE) and pissed in her crate! DAMN IT! Veins were exposed from my flesh and I burned with the desire to knock whatever sense I could find out of her. I WAS PISSED. She was covered in her own feces and now I had to once again clean up and bathe her which would take some time. Getting over it I proceeded to get it all done and took her out for a quick walk to make sure she had it all out of her system before I left. It's a good thing too because she had some explosive stuff left.

I figured out it must have been that canned food I fed her the night before. I don't know what they put in there but if you wanna clean the pipes.. eat that!

Okay moving forward from about 9:30pm to about 1am. Guys drunk, Check! Sharp objects being thrown, CHECK! (read: darts) I receive a phone call from the woman and think nothing of it until she asks to talk to my friend. So I hand the phone off and throw another dart. My friend hands the phone back... disconnected. I'm like WTF? He said "short conversation I don't know she was going to bed".

Insert additional beers ..... here.

Next morning... nope afternoon ;-) Woke up and had some Dunkin Donuts Breakfast Sandwiches, breakfast of champions, YEA! Decided to get off my lazy ass and make way for home to pick up dog to bring her back to watch more football and eat greasy chili! MMMM... Chili! When I get home I notice the dog is not her usual perky self. I had noticed a bowl of dog food full in the garage but hadn't thought much of it. My fiance works on Saturdays early so she was gone. Especially considering it was about 1:30pm... oops my bad.

I let the dog out of the crate and see that she is limping. First thought, PANIC, second thought, CONFUSION, third thought, delusional clarity. See by the third thought I had figured to go looking for a pile of dog shit or a spot on the carpet, thinking immediately that she had had an accident in the house and my fiance couldn't take it and beat the living shit out her. I guess that is why I called it delusional clarity.

Finally it all made sense... I forgot to tell you that she wreaked.. I couldn't place it at first but then pieces fell together. I ran upstairs and noticed the screen to our bedroom window was bent to hell. It turns out that she jumped at 1am out the second story window and landed on the brick paver patio. Then took off and got sprayed by a skunk and didn't return until about 5:30am.

So that explains why my fiance calls the dog Satan!

Job Burnout

This article completely describes my situation at work. Read This!

I had to post this because it made me laugh!

Sage - My So-Called Strife

Interview

So last week I had an interview scheduled for 2:30pm. I was extremely excited about the idea of actually having made it past the e-mail /phone crap that seems to happen now before interviews. Basically it seems that the web, while good in theory, has degraded the ability of a job seeker to get into a one-on-one interview without jumping through a barrage of hoops. Needless to say, I finally made it and was the 4th and last interviewer for the day. I was dressed to a T in a black suit and tie and looked highly professional. I showed up about 10 minutes early for the interview and sat in the waiting area talking to the secretary. It was nice because it allowed me to loosen up and get rid of the overwhelming nerves that were trying to take me over. When the interview started I was in the HR directors office with her and a techie guy. The techie guy spent the first 25 minutes or so letting me know what the company does and things were going well. I had a full understanding and we moved right into my resume.

My resume is pretty decent with about 8 years of solid professional experience, however I do not have a degree which always comes up and seems to knock off about 4 years of my experience. I haven't understood why a degree matters, mainly because I have been in the working world for so long and haven't applied any of the general shit that they teach you in school. But I guess that topic is whole other can of worms, basically my new thought on it is that a company likes to see a degree so that they know you have got your party days out of your system.

The HR lady wasn't very involved in the interview and was doing e-mail, phone calls and such which I thought was rude but at the same time accepted because she had said she was leaving for vacation and didn't understand the techie stuff anyways. The tech guy was pretty cool and we talked about many different topics and skills all of which I was able to speak educated about. After about 1 hour the HR lady excused herself and asked the tech guy to call her after the interview to discuss his thoughts. She stated that she was going to leave and get started on her vacation. Seemed somewhat unprofessional, I mean if you are going to schedule an interview for 2:30pm on the day before you go on vacation, don't leave before it's over.

After she left the tech guy and I kept talking and everything seemed to be going great. He was throwing around comments like, you'd fit right in with the other guys, and when you start you'll get a computer. He would always try to correct himself with the "if we accept you" or "if you are picked". Again I thought these were all good signs and after 1.5 hours, the interview was over and I left feeling pretty confident.

I received an e-mail on Friday stating that someone else from another agency was picked for the position. I was crushed since I had let the excitement and possibility of escaping my current hell-hole get the best of me. I proceeded to continue my search for a new opportunity to hopefully get me out of this place. In retrospect it was probably for the better as the position was a contract position and was farther away.